"TECH' PANTOMIME
By permission of the Glasgow Magistrates we present:
CINDERELLA
Dramatis Personae
- CINDERELLA: Secy. Athletic Club.
- UGLY SISTERS: Murhead President and Hon. Asst. Secy. (no make-up necessary).
- BUTTONS: Mask Editor (by permission of the Governor of Barlinnie).
- FAIRY GODMOTHER: Hon. Treasurer.
- PRINCE (not so charming): S.R.C. President.
- COMPERE: Hon. Secy.(Acknowledgement to Skerry's for teaching him to read).
- SCENE: Kirriemuir.
- TIME: Just before the famous Ball.
COMPERE:
Time staggers on as you all know,
And now we're going to have a go.
We’ve racked our reason and our rhyme,
To make this potted pantomime.
It tells the tale of Cinderella,
And how at last she got her fella.
We've stuck quite closely to the facts,
And split it up in three short acts.
So first of all the scene now turns
To the kitchen where a small fire burns.
At least the fire is pretty duff,
You see, it's National Coal Board stuff.
So Cinders is poking at the grate,
Chucking oot the stanes and slate,
And thinking that it isnae fair,
How she's been left tae wash the stair.
But here I'm really awful sorry,
I'm tellin' a' the bloomin' story.
And that would never do at all,
So see ye later at the Ball.
SCENE 1
CINDERELLA:
A'm Cinderella and I must stay,
In this old kitchen a' the day,
They make me sweep and dust and scrub,
Peel spuds, and mend and cook the grub.
While Aggie and Maggie attend the Ball,
That's being held in the Palace Hall.
(Enter Ugly Sisters.)
UGLY SISTER 1:
Get oot o' the way and gie us room.
UGLY SISTER 2:
You can get busy wi' yer broom.
UGLY Sister 1:
I'm Aggie.
UGLY SISTER 2:
I'm Maggie.
UGLY SISTERS 1 & 2:
An' a wadna tell a lee,
I raither think the Prince has got his eye on me.
We're real good lookers, so we think.
We've left or roll-ons in the sink.
The Prince has asked us oot tonight,
Tae visit the Palace whit a sight,
Him wi' his robes a' hung wi' vermin,
And certified dividends by Sherman.
So ta ta Cinders mind ye keep,
The fire weel stoked don't fa' asleep,
We'll need a tightener when we come In,
A tot o' rum with a splash of gin.
CINDERELLA:
Like a lonely prisoner-_" In ma cell",
I'll away an read ma Ethel M. Dell.
I'd love tae go an' see the Prince,
An' hae a dance wi' him jist aince.
(Enter BUTTONS.)
BUTTONS:
Hullo there Cinders, ma wee hen,
A’ yer lonesome, whit's the gen?
A thocht you'd rather go tae dances,
Than sit there readin' True Romances.
Aw cheer up Cinders dinnae greet,
Get up upon yer dainty feet.
We'll rustle up your auld God-mother,
Ye'll see the prince the night nae bother.
Oh! Here she is.
Whit's in her haun?
Now don't be fright, it's jist her wan’.
Weel a'll awa noo Fairy Nuff,
She likes the jiggin' so do your stuff.
GOD-MOTHER:
Dear Cinders I have come with speed,
To help you in your hour of need.
So take this parcel Cinderella,
This dress'll dazzle any fella.
Now quickly quietly without much fuss,
Please hurry or we'll miss the bus.
I think your hair is awful bonny,
You must be the twin that had the Toni.
Whee hee, here you look a treat,
These shoes jist fit your plates o' meat,
Come on it isnae very faur,
If we don't get a bus we'll get a caur.
There just one thing I should have said.
At 12 o’ clock the bloom will fade.
Just like a flower that winter nips,
Leave early or ye've had your chips.
CINDERELLA:
I don't know how to thank you really,
I'm standing tremblin' like a jeely.
A'll keep the heid an mind your warnin’,
A'll leave the ball before the mornin.
(CURTAIN)
COMPERE:
Now to the Palace come with me,
And there the guests assembled see,
Assembled and waiting for the prince,
Who once he's finished with his mince,
Will welcome them and greet them all.
And start the dancing in the hall.
SCENE II
PRINCE:
Dear friends I welcome you one and all,
I really hope you'll like the ball.
Tonight I'm going to choose my bride,
For I'm tired of searching far and wide.
Now who can this dazzling creature be,
Come pretty one and dance with me.
(Chorus girls from Muirhead dance can-can to the music of Tech. Jazz band. Time passes. Action recommences when bar closes.)
UGLY SISTER:
My whit a dance but it's no' fair,
He's danced a' night wi' that ane there,
While a've been left tae dae the creep,
And jive and bop wi' this big dreep. (Sen. Vice-Pres. S.R.C.)
PRINCE (to CINDER.):
You can fair dance,
Ah like your style,
Ah think your stickin' out a mile. (Statistics 42: 23: 38.)
CINDERELLA:
Ach, you're jist flatterin' or else your fu’
As a matter of fact- Ah like you too.
PRINCE:
A’ think we're meant for one another,
You’ll need to come and meet ma mother. (Clock strikes 13.)
CINDERELLA:
Oh dear it's strikin' 12 from now on,
I must be going, going, going, gone.
(Runs out.)
Illustration of a shoe with the words:
PRINTER'S NOTE.
Fur them wi' nae imagination,
We’ve added this wee illustration.
Although it might no’ be a slipper.
Thur's aye a chance it might jist fit'er.
PRINCE:
What's gone wrong a jist don't know,
She was right here two ticks ago,
In any case she's no here noo!
But she's rushed away without her shoe,
I'm going to search baith far and wide,
Tae find her then she'll be ma bride.
The hand to sooth this fevered broo,
Is attached to the foot that fits this shoe.
(CURTAIN)
COMPERE:
And so once more the scene returns,
To the kitchen where the same fire burns,
While Cinderella pokes the grate,
And chips oot bigger and better slate.
The Ugly Sisters have steeped their feet.
For you see the Prince is in the street.
SCENE III
UGLY SISTER:
Today the Prince is comin' here,
To try the slipper Maggie dear,
I feel as nervous as a kitten,
Ma size is ten and a half (Broad Fittin’).
Oh Aggie though you're very sweet,
You havenae a chance wi' your big feet.
Ah mean tae say jist use your savvy,
You’ve a fit on you there like a bloomin' navvy.
GOD-MOTHER:
Come right in Prince, I've led ye here,
Tae find your very dearest dear,
So come no lassies nae more ado,
Get crackin' an' try on the shoe.
PRINCE:
This looks like my dear maiden fair,
Such gorgeous eyes and lovely hair.
So Cinders hand me up your foot,
To see if the slipper here will suit.
It fits Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Come let us name the wedding day,
In you I know I've met my mate,
Please be my Income Tax rebate.
(Exit PRINCE and CINDERS. UGLY SISTERS retire to boozer. CURTAIN.)
COMPERE:
So there is the tale of Cinderella,
Who lost her shoe but got her fella,
And it goes to prove without a doubt,
Be sure your shin'll find you out.
(FINAL CURTAIN-All retire to boozer.)
