Archives & Special CollectionsCinderella goes to the students’ dance

This was originally published in December 2013, as part of our Item of the Month series.

Our festive treat from the Archives is a tongue-in-cheek take on the fairytale, ‘Cinderella,’ as published in the Royal Technical College Magazine for January 1913. Strathclyde’s antecedent institution, the Royal Technical College of Glasgow (1912-1956), was popularly referred to as ‘the Tech’ and renowned worldwide for the quality of its scientific and technical instruction. Practical scientific knowledge features prominently in the College students’ version of this classic story, where it is deployed to great comic effect. Cinderella’s two ugly sisters are here recast as students of the Tech, studying ‘maths and baking’ (the College had a thriving School of Bakery – see our March 2011 feature for details). Instead of having to cook, clean and keep house, poor Cinderella, being ‘as clever as she was good,’ is made to do all of her sisters’ maths exercises!

On the night of the Students’ Union dance, our heroine dresses her sisters in their finery and sees them off. Left alone to watch ‘the delta signs and the sums to infinity in the flames of the kitchen fire,’ she expresses a forlorn wish to go and dance with the Union President. Cinders’ Fairy Godmother duly appears, and, by waving her magic wand over a bottle of hydrogen sulphide (H2S - a colourless gas smelling of rotten eggs), some empty cans and a broken alarm clock, conjures up ‘a beautiful new taxi’ to whisk Cinders off to the dance. Instead of providing her with a dainty pair of glass slippers, Cinders’ Fairy Godmother hands her one of the sisters’ maths textbooks to serve as a dance programme, for no student could be admitted to the hall without a programme.

Having danced not only with the Union President, but with all the other student presidents too, Cinderella’s ‘regular swell time’ is curtailed when the clock strikes twelve, and she dashes off, leaving behind half of the maths textbook in the hands of the smitten ‘Nicest President.’ With no glass slipper to be tried on, the President conceives a more ingenious way of tracking down his beloved: he announces that he will marry the girl who can solve a test exercise set by the Professor of Mathematics. Will there be a happy ending? Read on to find out!

Anne Cameron, Archives Assistant

Cinderella Fairy tales - please click 'Cinderella,' Royal Technical College Magazine text for full description.

The Royal Technical College Magazine.

Grin’s Fairy Tales.

Once upon a time there was a bad old suffragette who had two ugly, wicked daughters, who went to the Teck to study maths and baking. They were very ugly and stupid. There was Cinderella, too, who was the old lady’s stepdaughter, who was a peach and better than gold.

Every night the two ugly sisters would come home from the Teck and bang poor little Cinderella about. Then they would make Cinders do their maths exercise, because they were too stupid and Cinders was as clever as she was good.

And so things went on till the night of the Students’ Union dance came round, when there was no maths exercise, but Cinders dressed them up for the dance. Poor Cinders! How sad she was when her ugly sisters went away to the dance. Her step-ma was away at a suffragette meeting, and she was all alone. She clasped her hands under her chin (just as she does in the pantomime) and watched the delta signs and the sums to infinity in the flames of the kitchen fire. Then she said, “Oh I wish I could go to the dance! How I would like to dance with the dear President!” Just then Cinders’ fairy god-mother came in and introduced herself. “Go,” said this lady to Cinders, “and get me a bottle of H2S, some empty cans, a broken alarm clock, and a penny squeak.” So Cinders ran round to the pawnshop where step-ma got her groceries, and got them all. Then the fairy messed them all up, and waved her wand, and there stood a beautiful new taxi.

“Where to?” said the driver. “The College,” said Cinders. Then, woman-like, she remembered the most important thing at the last moment, and putting her head out of the taxi window, she screamed, “Oh, fairy god-mother, I haven’t a dance programme, and they won’t let me in!”

“Take this, it will serve,” said the fairy, and she handed Cinders one of the ugly sister’s maths books.

The taxi dashed up to George Street in no time, and soon as Cinders got out blew up. So she didn’t need to pay any fare.

Cinders had a regular swell time. All the presidents danced with her. So did the Editor. (Dash it! I thought my disguise was perfect. Ed.). When she was sitting out, with the nicest president, and one of his hands was holding her peculiar dance programme and the other was holding one. Of hers, the clock struck twelve, and she had to hook it. She did so in such a hurry that she left half her programme with the nicest president.

Her taxi having blown up, she had to take a tram home.

But the nicest president had lost his heart, and his only clue was half a dance programme. But he wasn’t a R.T.C. president for nothing. So he put an advertisement in ‘The Herald’ and ‘News’ that he would marry the girl who worked out the exercises. There was a regular rush; the ugly sisters thought they were fixed as Mrs Nice President. But, of course, when they were asked to work out a test exercise by the professor of mathematics they couldn’t.

And so Cinders became Mrs Nicest President. Also the professor of maths didn’t give the ugly sisters their class tickets. So they lived unhappily and dyed their hair ever afterwards. And Cinders is ever so happy and does the Nicest President’s exercise for him every night.

Look out next month for “The Babes in the Wood.”